Ripped from the headliines

Woman attacks meteorologist
Burnaby, BC (AP)-- The Global BC studios were shocked today when a woman burst into the newsroom and savagely beat the meteorologist unconscious with a snow shovel.
The suspect, identified only as Throkky, was heard to mutter "I said if he makes one more joke about snow in the interior, I'm going to lose it" shortly before she bypassed security at the station.
The Hawaiian shirt-clad weatherman had reported earlier that several parts of the Interior had received considerable snow accumulations overnight. He was taken to hospital where he is in stable condition.
As the news cameras gathered around, the suspect shouted "where the hell is global warming when you need it?" as she was taken away in a police cruiser. She is to appear in court tomorrow and is expected to plead not guilty by reason of insanity (the Cabin Fever defense)